A few days ago, I was reading this book. I was in that phase of warming up to the character; you know, that part where you're not sure if you can relate but you're starting to see them as a friend of sorts.
Anyways, as I was accepting this character, something you might call 'heartbreaking' happened.
Something like that happens all the time in books and it becomes pretty predictable, but what I've noticed in my self is that each time my heart clenches just as I picture theirs to do, and I become just as melancholic as they do. That part is normal for me; I consider myself to be a very empathetic person(whether I want to be or not :/) But the peculiar thing is that I like having these emotions. I don;t know to explain it, but it's been on my mind a lot.
And it sin't only in books. When I find myself crying for whatever reason, I urge myself to think about reasons to cry. It's not for attention or anything, I absolutely hate when someone is present during my emotional breakdowns(well maybe not that dramatic)..
I guess it seems weird, liking the feeling of heartbreak, betrayal, sadness?? I'm not masochistic, am I?
..
A theory I have is that maybe I subconsciously crave those feelings because it helps me keep myself grounded. Instead of drifting off into another world I would rather be sad and stay functional.
I'm only beginning to discover myself now and being aware of all these aspects of myself is weird.
Amateur blog dedicated to whatever my brain regurgitates.
